2007-04-18 - 19:24 EST
This is the longest I've ever gone without updating this thing. I can't believe it.
I finished my thesis today and am grateful for the time between now and my defense, in which I will finally get to rest. My internship is almost over - just a few translations and one more trip to a library to go. It's looking like I'll be taking a year off before going to grad school, since I'm having difficulty procuring funding. I look better on paper now than I did when I applied, anyway.
I'm thinking of submitting critical work to a journal. Careers are built in journals, not in books.
I've been playing video games and reading (Judith Tarr, yay!) to keep myself relatively unruffled.
Mostly I feel tired and burnt-out. I can't sleep at night; I'm plagued by nightmares and flashbacks and the inevitable why? Part of me wants to let it all out in a stream of words, and part of me is afraid that doing so will only make it worse. So I cannot speak. I can shiver and cry at night, and be pressed for a reason by the one person I could ever tell, but I can't speak. I can only hold him and be held.
I am tired.
